Sunday, April 20, 2014

I was a Bully

6th Grade

Liz had the most unruly curly hair you have ever seen. She was an outcast, and so was I - we stuck together. Returning from Christmas break, I walked up to my only friend, excited to see her for the first time in a couple of weeks. Once I reached her, she immediately fell to the ground, covered her face with her arms and pleaded, "Please don't hit me". I stood there, aghast. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was a bully.

That moment changed my life forever. Once I got my bearings I talked to Liz and she told me that I always hit her - I hit everyone, all the time.

Evidently I was like that all my childhood years, ask any of my peers who knew me then.

The Source of the Change

Something had to make me realize the errors of my ways. I changed during that Christmas Break. I don't remember the details, but I do know that I had an experience where I felt loved and valued by other people. That feeling doesn't come around very often when you're a bully. All my life I was viewed as a problem. 

I was insecure. People made fun of me all the time, so to stop that from happening, I beat them up. My peers were scared of me, so therefore, they wouldn't make fun of me anymore. Bullying was a cover-up for the issues happening inside of me.

The Power of Love

I believe that experience I had during Christmas break only happened because my father had passed away from cancer a year earlier. I wasn't just a girl who was a problem - I was a girl who had problems whose dad just died. All of a sudden, people had compassion on me and reached out. Had my father never passed away, I really believe I wouldn't have received the attention I needed for change.

Love is a powerful thing. It has the ability to look past the ugly and see the possibilities. Once I felt that love from other people, I knew I was worth something. I also saw beauty in others and wanted to love them back.

Can we Focus on the Bullies?

There is such a negative stand on bullying: Bullies are BAD. Shame on them. Stop them. Speak out. Stand up. Is this not just putting the bully in the cage? Why not try to "tame" the bully? 

Sure, some are just rotten children. Was I one of those? Maybe. You don't know until you try. Try to compliment them. Try to make them feel important, smart, helpful, loving, and worth it.

There is a huge anti-bully craze going on right now.

But what about the bully?

1 comment: