Eli, 18 months

I remember when Eli was a newborn. I was exhausted. Period. I remember when I made it a week. It was a huge accomplishment for me. I was exclusively pumping and it was soooooooo exhausting. Six weeks was my biggest accomplishment because that was my goal to feed Eli breast milk. Formula was a lifesaver (thank you formula science people). Eli never slept for longer than 3 hours until he was probably 4 months old. By then I threw in the towel and just let him sleep with us.

Now he's 18 months! Where has the time gone? He now sleeps in his own bed all night, every night. He is the cutest kid EVER. I think that because I'm getting more sleep I'm enjoying this stage a lot! I dread every moment that passes because I know that I'll never get it back again. I'm trying to savor the moment as much as possible. (side-note: And can I just stay that I LOVE being a stay at home mom!!! I am so grateful that Logan has a job that can support us.) I get compliments about Eli being the best looking toddler. I'm biased but evidently some people tend to think he's adorable too.

Some things about Eli: 

1. His head circumference used to be in the 95th percentile (reason for my C-Section), now it's gone down to the 86th. Progress people, progress.
2. This boy is obsessed with cars. He even makes car noises when he drives his matchbox cars all over the couches, my leg, the walls, wherever. 
3. He loves to dance
4. He loves Baby Einstein and Teletubies 
5. His first word was Dog, pronounced "da!" He's been saying that since he was a year old and really hasn't expanded his vocabulary much. 
6. He can sign: please, milk, hungry, wave bye bye, blow kisses, make the "I don't know" hand expression, high five, and fist pound.
7. Every time daddy comes home he sprints to me and "hides" and laughs so hard. He gets so excited to play with daddy.
8. He loves to play outside. He's a master at going down slides in all directions.
9. The thing he loves the most is watching me cook. He will push me away from the counter until I pick him up. I've become quite good at cooking with one hand. 
10. He's so happy.
11. He plays great with other kids. 
12. His curly hair and dimples can make anyone melt. 
13. Every morning when I get him out of bed he hands me his binkie, then jumps up and down. Once he's done jumping then I can get him out of bed. 
14. He loves shoes, and loves to reorganize them (anything really, (he gets that from his daddy)
15. When he hears the train going by town he makes a Vmmmm Vmmmm noise until he can't hear it anymore. I'm still trying to teach him Chooo Chooo. But maybe he's right, maybe it does sound more like vmmmmm.

There are 100 more things I could say. And I'm sure when I read this later on I'll think "oh, I should have recorded that!"

oh well.

Lets take a journey of the last 18 months and see how this little angel has grown:

He's just so fun. I love him!

Life is Empty and Pointless

The other day I was on FamilySearch.org. I like to browse around my family tree and read stories of my ancestors. I realized that there is almost nothing on my ancestors who lived in the last 100 years. This made me incredibly sad. Who are these great grandparents of mine? What struggles did they have to bare? Are they even remembered? I don't know who they are, and their memory dies with those who fail to share them.

This is my mom's side of the family (I do know their stories, only because of my moms efforts to share them)

This started a downward spiral of hopelessness. These people were probably amazing hard workers, and for what? All there efforts are forgotten just 3 generations after them.

I then watched "Fault in Our Stars". It's a sad story about teenagers with cancer. A huge point that the main character makes is that we all die. We live our lives and none of us will be remembered.

Two "lessons" of pointless earthly habitation in one day. You can imagine that I wasn't really motivated to go change the world the rest of the day. Instead, I sat on my neighbors kitchen floor and cried. Later that night my husband came home and I told him about my gloomy day.

Yesterday in church someone asked the question of what the gospel meant to me. My response was frank. It's the only reason I'm living. Without it I would have killed myself a long time ago. The gospel gives me hope and purpose.

After church my husband walked up to me and asked me if I could read and walk at the same time. I said jokingly that I might get "car sick" (I always tell him that I can't read in the car). So as we walked home from church I read a snip-it out of the lesson he gave in church that day. It was the specific answer to my question. What is the purpose to this life?

"We are here for a great purpose. That purpose is not to live 100 years, or less, and plant our fields, reap our crops, gather fruit, live in houses, and surround ourselves with the necessities of mortal life. That is not the purpose of life. These things are necessary to our existence here, and that is the reason why we should be industrious...

The object of our being here is to do the will of the Father as it is done in heaven, to work righteousness in the earth, to subdue wickedness and put it under our feet, to conquer sin and the adversary of our souls, to rise above the imperfections and weaknesses of poor fallen humanity, by the inspiration of the Lord and his power made manifest, and thus become the saints and servants of the Lord in the earth." - President Joseph Fielding Smith

I am so grateful for a good husband who thinks about his wife and tenderly looks for answers to her souls questions.